Working Woman...

Tomorrow, as you all must know, is Halloween. This is a fairly big holiday in my family. We pretty much go all out. We normally get together the night before, carve pumpkins, have dinner, roast the pumpkin seeds...and watch the cat (or dog) enjoy the nastiness of the pumpkin insides. It's fun. It has long been a tradition of ours. And tonight, I'm not there. I'm not enjoying the creative carving ideas because I'm at work, just as I'll be at work tomorrow.
Not only will I be working for the first time ever Halloween evening..but I won't be completely dressed up either. It's a first for me. I've asked my co-workers to dress have the holiday spirit. I was quickly shot down by, something to the extent of..Natasia, Halloween is one of those times you reflect and honestly ask yourself, am I an essential or non-essential employee. If you're dressing up, you're non essential. Non essential? Why I aught to not show up..and see just how non-essential I really am!!! Ha ha. Really, don't worry ya'll, I'll be there. I'll be there...well costume, although not full costume. I think a simple witch hat will do.

I also missed out on some candy, cookie, cupcake making fun today with the girlie's at home. I've been wanting to make some cupcakes for awhile now. So, I'm going to try to get up super early and make some. I'll also be staying up late this evening carving my own pumpkin. I hope it turns out well. I'll post some pictures of all my happenings later. HApPy HaLloWeEn!

Living a Rockstar Life

Thank goodness for this amazing drink. I've been needing a boost the last couple days...and one of these in the afternoon seems to do just the trick.
I love the pomegranate one...and I also drink the sugar free one.
While I'd love to be living a rocker star life...for now, I'll settle for the Rockst*r one.

Did That Really Just Happen?

You hit the "send" button, and continue on with your other tasks. Then it hits you. "Wait...did that really just happen? Did I really just do what I think I did?" And then you spend the next few minutes trying to convince yourself you didn't. You couldn't have! You're not that scatterbrained...right?
But then your worst fear is confirmed. You sent that embarrassing and/or damaging email to the WRONG person. Oops.
It happens frequently. I've been both the recipient and the sender in different instances. Some more damaging than others.
Trust me when I say...misdirected errant text messages and emails can cause quite the confusion and if sent at work can put much more at stake than just embarrassment.
I once received a text Does ur wife know? Recently, I sent a confidential email, while sent to the right person was also sent from a place easily accessible to others.
Let's hear your stories. You're welcome to post anonymously.

Miss Right...

Mr. and Mrs. right-are just that, right for one another.
Some recent factors have played out in my life that have shed some light on the way men think. I'd like to share.
We all have different goals, ambitions, perceptions and desires when it comes to finding a mate. In other words, we each have an agenda. Whether tangible or not,(and it's okay to admit) we have a list of items/qualities we'd like to find in someone. On this list may be certain things that are non-negotiable while others may be a bit less significant. We deem these lists sensible, because we need a partner who facilitates our every desire, right?
Truth be told ladies, we're not the only ones with a list. Mr. Right has constructed a file of his own. And Mr Right, is probably doing a lot more checking off of his own list than we are ours. Face it, men can have Miss Right right in front of them, and give them a kick to the curb if one item doesn't match up. Something as insignificant as "she can't play bass" or "she can't decide where to eat", both of which are actual statements men have relayed to me in the last few days, can actually be the deciding factors in ending a relationship.
The point- having an agenda is not a bad thing. We are human, that's what we do. We find someone with whom we have commonalities. The problem is the substance of that agenda. Is it achievable? Too often they are not. We need to be willing to negotiate our agenda. Conferring with one another and deciding which things you can cut some slack on and be more relaxed about will actually do both Mr. and Miss Right some good. It shows they are willing to communicate. It shows they care about one another enough to let some things slide so that others can grow stronger. Adapting to each other shows that you trust one another. These are things you should be willing to do in order to be potential mates.
Rather than sticking to your dating "resume" try being a bit more flexible, while still not compromising your morals. Be honest with yourself and ask how attainable you are making yourself and then share this article with the Mr Rights out there and hope they do the same.
Good Luck!


Sunday was my sister-in-law's birthday. My dad made omelets for a bunch of us. He makes the worlds best omelets..according to me. They were delicious. Since we did the early morning thing, I decided to hang out at my parents house for most of the day, along with my older brother. We decided to watch a movie in our parents new home theatre room, which by the way is amazing. My dad chose "The United States of Leland". I thought is was a great movie and would recommend it to any of you who like a good thought provoking movie.

After stabbing an autistic boy, the sixteen year old troubled and pessimist Leland P. Fitzgerald (Ryan Gosling) is sent to a juvenile detention. His teacher and aspirant writer Pearl Madison (Don Cheadle) gets close and tries to understand him, first with intention of writing a book, and later becoming his friend. Leland slowly discloses his sad vision of world.

I think the movie may change the way some people look at the community and world that surrounds them. The movie depicts real life problems without extreme stereotyping. One part in particular that stuck out to me was a scene where Pearl, after having done something wrong, says "I'm only human".
Leland in turn says "Isn't it funny how people only say that after they've done something wrong? No one ever says that after they rescue someone from a burning building."
In the movie, Leland simply observes the world as it is. Another quote to get all you thinking.
Leland: "And that's when I figured out that tears couldn't make somebody who was dead alive again. There's another thing about tears, they can't make somebody that doesn't love you anymore love you again. It's the same with prayers. I wonder how much of their lives people waste crying and praying to God. If you ask me, the devil makes more sense than God does. I can see why people would want him around. It's good to have somebody to blame for all the bad stuff they do. Maybe God's there because people get scared of all the bad stuff they do. They figure that God and the Devil are always playing this game of tug-of-war with them, and they never know which side they're gonna wind up on. I guess that tug-of-war idea explains how sometimes, even when people try and do something good, it still turns out bad."

Friendly Recommendation

So, I was reading a friends post today and ran across something that stuck out. It's something I've been thinking about the last few days. She says,

"Never make someone a priority in your life when you are only an option in theirs....
It's like, at what point does "loving your neighbor" and "being a good friend" turn into "being a doormat," or "being too available," or "being an option?".

I've been asking for advice from people I trust who are brutally honest with me. Over and over again, I'm told that I let people walk all over me.

Really? I do? I had no idea. In my mind I think I'm pretty good at standing up for myself and sometimes I feel I come across rude when I'm stepped on. But, maybe they think that way because of the fact I'm too forgiving...if that's really a fault. I guess it can be. At what point do I stop forgiving someone who repeatedly hurts me?

A close friend said to me the other day, "You should surround yourself with people who make you a priority". She explained that too often I make myself available for those who don't do the same for me. "You're always there to fill anothers void, but who is there to fill yours?"

I guess hearing this from several different trustworthy friends, has somewhat made an impact on the way I've been thinking and making recent decisions. But how do I change a value that's been ingrained in me? It's just the type of person I am. I guess what I really need to do is make the distinction as written above.

Beautiful Mistake

You've been too scared to tell me what you're thinking.
You're not ready for this, we've both known it for awhile.
We don't want to accept it, but why stay and have regrets.
It's hard falling asleep alone, but do we want to wake up together?
Let's be honest this time.
If we both agree, why does it hurt so much?
I feel as if I'm losing my best friend.
I hope you are happy, and completely lonely.
I can't tell if this is the end or just a beautiful mistake.
Did we just give up the best thing we've ever had?

I Shall Believe

Come to me now
And lay your hands over me
Even if it's a lie
Say it will be alright
And I shall believe
I'm broken in two
And I know you're on to me
That I only come home
When I'm so all alone
But I do believe

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly you won't give up on me
And I shall believe
And I shall believe

Open the door
And show me your face tonight
I know it's true
No one heals me like you
And you hold the key

Never again
would I turn away from you
I'm so heavy tonight
But your love is alright
And I do believe

That not everything is gonna be the way
You think it ought to be
It seems like every time I try to make it right
It all comes down on me
Please say honestly
You won't give up on me
And I shall believe
I shall believe
And I shall believe

It's All About Me...

i am: wanting something more
i think: about life and all it has to offer
i know: what I want, even if it's not what I'm getting at the moment
i want: to live happily ever after
i have: way too many clothes in such a small loft
i wish: upon stars
i hate: uncertainty
i miss: a lot
i fear: being in cars
i feel: anxious
i hear: scanners, and televisions all around me
i smell: yummy
i crave: warmth
i search: diligently
i wonder: what is coming next
i regret: failing
i love: dancing
i ache: daily
i care: about everyone-sometimes to a fault
i always: want to help
i am not: giving up
i believe: in fighting for a cause
i dance: to relax
i sing: in the car
i don't always: give one hundred percent
i fight: for what I believe in
i write: for fun
i win: prizes at showers, all the time
i lose: things in my purse everyday
i never: want to go through that again!
i confuse: my accomplishments with my value
i listen: to Bright Eyes and Dashboard weekly
i can usually be found: at work or sleeping
i am scared: of spiders...yuck!
i need: a bath tub
i am happy about: being in company of good friends and great family

Now that you've got an insight to my thoughts, copy, paste and rewrite your own answers in your blog. Make sure to leave me a comment so I know to check yours out. Happy Writing!

Emotional Distress

Some of you may know, and others not, that I was in a life altering car accident back in December. I remember it vividly, as if just yesterday. It was December 26th, and I was on my way to Arkansas to visit my, then in-laws. It wasn't something I was thrilled about doing since my husband and I had been separated. Without divulging into too much detail about our relationship-I felt like I needed to go. It was something I needed to do for me, and for him.

A sickening feeling overwhelmed me Christmas night. We'd be leaving the following day -driving along with my sister in law and her husband. We were taking our truck. I was scared. I didn't have a good feeling. Along with my mom and dad, I convinced myself that everything would be okay, and that I needed to go.

That day came. We completely filled the back of the truck with all our luggage, Christmas presents and extra luggage we were taking to the family. The four of us piled in the truck and headed towards Arkansas. Again, a bad feeling overwhelmed me and I asked my sister in law to say a prayer for us. She did, and I felt a little sense of relief afterwards.

About ten hours later, Adam decides he wants to take a nap. I offer to drive and he directs me in the correct way. Not ten minutes into me taking over the drivers seat, a cloud of fog surrounds the vehicle. It inhibited me from driving safely. I drove with my lights on low-beam, I slowed down, but I was uneasy. I had never driven the road and was uncertain of it's path. I wanted to stop. I couldn't drive. I pulled over and got out. I felt bad that Adam didn't get to sleep, but he felt more comfortable driving than I did. So again, he took the drivers seat.

Two minutes later, there was zero fog. I rested my head on the pillow and was just dozing off-when it happened.

I heard screaming. It was the most terrifying scream I've ever heard. I awoke startled and frightened. The car was spinning. All I remember is yelling - I wanted to know what happened. I kept asking if Adam had fallen asleep. I asked if there was fog, if there was ice. I wanted to know what happened before I died; because at that time, I thought I was going to die. I felt us stop and then lift off the ground-we flew up in the air landed upside down and rolled several times. We stopped.

Silence. That's all there was. I couldn't see. I couldn't feel. I couldn't hear. Finally, voices. Everyone asking if the other was okay. my feet were on the cold snow, sticking out the passenger window where the truck had landed. Finally my eyes opened and all I could see was blood. Blood everywhere. I was terrified. I kept asking everyone if they were okay-asking where the blood was coming from. I still couldn't move. I couldn't feel. I tried to find my seat belt to unlock it, but couldn't. I was getting claustaphobic. My heart was pounding. I was hyperventilating. I needed out. Adam tore the front windshield off-somehow Scott, in the back undid my seat belt and Adam picked me up. I held on, but collapsed. I couldn't walk. I couldn't stand. I still couldn't feel. He lifted me and laid me next to the truck.

From there, it's a blur. I remember someone holding my hand, someone giving me a coat. Paramedics wanting to move me, fearing the truck would roll again. But at the same time not wanting to move me until I was on a bed. I heard them talking about me being paralyzed. I was shaking. I wanted my mom.

I asked them to call my mom. I kept screaming. I needed to talk to my mom. Finally, we got her on the phone. I vaguely remember the conversation-but I know we hung up with her thinking it was a lot less serious than it was. Then, I was in the ambulance. Alone. They wouldn't allow Adam to go with. I was alone, and scared. I ended up at the hospital about 20 minutes before any of the others and by this time I hurt. My back hurt, my neck hurt. I could move my fingers and toes, but that was it. I couldn't lift myself.

The others eventually showed up and we were all cared for. The other three were released the first night, and I still hadn't been able to move my upper body. Two days later I was transferred to a spine specialist in Kansas. Adams parents came to the hospital and a day later my parents did as well. After many scary, painful days I was released. I'd broken my neck and had to be in a brace for three months. I'm now awaiting surgery and still in much pain.

I'm grateful we all lived. We are very lucky to be alive after such a horrible incident. But, now, I'm dealing with the after shock traumatic experiences. I wake up from horrible dreams and sometimes in a daze. It's a terrifying experience to be in a car. I can't bring myself to go on a car ride longer than an hour. I'm suffering from emotional distress. I have constant flashbacks. I feel like I sometimes have panic attacks while in a car. I have persistent pain from the horrible accident.

The car accident has affected and impacted my life in more ways than I could have ever imagined. I sometimes feel at a loss to know how to cope with the panic. I think I'm experiencing symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder. The healing from the psychological trauma is taking longer than I'd expected.

Biden v Palin

"Can I call you Joe?"
And that's how the debate began.

In their first Vice Presidential debate Republican Nominee, Sarah Palin and Joe Biden, the Democratic Nominee discussed topics such as health care, same sex marriage, the economy, energy and global warming and Iraq.

The Alaskan Governor stood her ground during the debate and made it clearly evident she wanted to have her track record known.

Biden also had an agenda, and it seemed to be making McCain out to be viewed as only a successor to President Bush; saying he (McCain) voted four out of five times with Bush on budget plans.

While their opinions differed on most topics, they did share one common belief-that the institute of marriage should be between man and woman.

-My view-
Biden seemed to want to focus on the Bush administration rather than on McCain which makes his arguments weak.

Palin was so concerned with talking about her track record, she sometimes forgot to discuss the question at hand-which in turn, made her look weak.

How do you think they fared?

I'm Envious...

I'm clearly envious of all ya'll who have the option of choosing between taking a bath or taking a shower. Because I myself, don't have a choice. I have a shower, that's it. There's no selection process for me. And for a woman who has taken baths her entire life-let's just say it's been a difficult transition. Growing up, I'd take baths in the morning before getting ready. I'd take them in the evening to relax before going to sleep. And I'd often take them during the day to collect my thoughts. Bubble baths are a nice, calm, serene experience. Hot baths would make me feel better when I was sick, alleviate pain when my muscles were tense and help me relax when I wanted to unwind. Taking baths are a great soothing measure. I think every woman NEEDS a bathtub. I used to complain about having a small tub. And I eventually upgraded to a nice large jetted tub. It was amazing. But now, I'd go back and take that small bathtub in an instant. I'm seriously considering getting a clawfoot bathtub and placing it in an area in my small loft. I can dream.